The following is an excerpt that appeared in a Cedar Rapids distribution of The Gazette. As the aim of the piece is to guide constructive conversations between one another about the COVID-19 vaccine, I recognized additional value for the identified three-step approach. In particular, I believe we right now, in this period in time, are living in an era where everyone wants to be heard and everyone wants to be perceived as right (whether or not they really are) yet listening is surprisingly an undesired action to gift upon others. Now of course, one person simply cannot be talking all the time because communication is a two-way street. Whether if your intension is to persuade, convince, or entice the other, both participants must be active on that two-way street. One must engage in conversation both by speaking, not to primary be heard but to express your message and display active listening for the other. Put down your phone and engage in the life around you.
There's a famous phrase of frustration that goes, "What don't you understand? Do you need me to draw you a picture?" Quite silly, but in a moment of anger it can feel like a good fit. In this scene, person A riddled the above line. Person B, who is receiving the message, is in a great opportunity to build upon the "two-way street" idea of conversation. They could reply, "At this time, no I do not understand. Should [conversation topic] be something you are able to draw visually, let's explore that route. Help me understand what you're trying to say, and as you draw it out, I believe you will also be able to understand the connection behind your ideas."
Of course, easier said than done. Life will present you with conversations you honestly would rather evade than confront. Sometimes it's the conversations we truly do not want to hear that we actually need to hear the most...
"...In emotionally intense conversations, people can’t hear
logic until emotions have subsided. Emotions tend to dissipate only after the
conversation has a key component—safety.
While I’m not a medical doctor, or a public heath
professional, I am a family therapist. My expertise is in bringing safety to
emotionally charged conversations. In my practice, I’ve found that when people
feel emotionally safe, they can hear other points of view. That’s when they can
change their minds. So, let me provide some tips on how to create emotionally
safety for loved ones who are vaccine-hesitant.
First, meet them where they are. When you start any
conversation about vaccination, ask someone to explain how they feel about vaccination.
Don’t approach them from the position of being right. Even if the data suggests
that vaccination is the best option—which it does—that doesn’t mean your loved
one is going to feel safe if you try to force them into your position with data
or logic.
Second, ask if they want to hear where you are coming from.
If you can create a space where people feel heard and understood, they are more
likely to listen to you. If you invite them to listen to what you think instead
of just telling them, they also are more likely to try and understand their
point of view.
Third, don’t be the expert unless you are the expert. If your vaccine-hesitant loved one says something about vaccination that is off-base, don’t argue back. Instead, say something like, “I’m not quite sure about that. What if we looked into that together?” Welcoming someone into the process of discussion is more effective than trying to have all the answers. ..."
Work Cited
Priest, Jacob. "A Family Affair: How to convince a loved one to get the shot." The Gazette, 1 Sept. 2021, p. 16.
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